Please Keep This To Yourself

Have I told you?

Have I told you lately?

Have I told you lately how much I appreciate you and all your hard work? Have I told you?

Have I told you lately?

Have I told you lately how well you care for me, for others, that I see how hard you try, even on the days when you'd rather pull the blankets up over your head and give up, give in, and let someone else do it… just this once?

Have I told you?

Have I told you lately?

Have I told you lately that you make a difference, that you matter, that the world would be so bland, so bleak, so goddamn pointless without you? Have I told you?

Have I told you lately?

Have I told you lately that even on your worst days, the days you feel beaten, when it seems like it’s over and you don't think you can do it, the days when you feel like none of this matters and all your efforts don't seem to mean anything at all, have I told you?

Have I told you how far you've come, that you can do it, that you've done it before, made it through much worse, and you'll make it through this, too? Have I told you?

Have I told you lately?

Have I told you lately that your wounds are beautiful, that your scars are precious, and the only things holding you together? Have I told you?

Have I told you that the worst things that have ever happened to you will turn out to be the best things that have ever happened to you, because of the strength, and grit, and courage they've built in you? Have I told you?

Have I told you lately?

Have I told you lately that I see you when you think no one's watching, when you're staring into the bathroom mirror at 3 AM, when you're sitting in your car in the parking lot before you go inside, when you're keeping it together for everyone else, while inside you're completely falling apart? Have I told you?

Have I told you lately?

Have I told you lately that you don't have to carry it all? That you don't have to be perfect, don't need all the answers, that you don't have to save everyone else while you're drowning all by yourself? Have I told you?

Have I told you lately?

Have I told you lately that you deserve the best things, to be surrounded by the best people, and that you deserve each and every dream you dare to dream? Have I told you?

Have I told you lately?

Well, I'm telling you now.

I love you—really love you. You are so well loved that you can’t begin to understand, but it’s true. You are loved and you are worth every good thing that comes your way and every good thing that has yet to come, but will, I’m telling you, it will.

Do you hear me? I’m telling you now, and I’m telling you to please keep this, and keep it safe.

This is a letter I want you to read…

…to yourself.

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Special thanks to Dominic Kurniawan Suryaputra on Unsplash for the photo that accompanies this essay.

Thank you, Dominic 🙏